Grief. Does it ever go away?

2024 said hello with a bang! I remember my husband telling me that this year would be a good one. Hmmm, then came January 13. Life is indeed full of surprises. I never thought grief would come this soon or this suddenly. I lost a lot of friends who had already passed, and I did grieve, but January 13 was another level of grief.

My grandmother—we call her Lola Nena—was a great teacher to her students, a responsible mother to her children, and a loving grandmother to her grandchildren. Each of us had our own relationship with her. Lola Nena had always pampered us with love and care. I remember her spoiling us with the good food she cooked. Her cooking had a distinct taste that we will all miss because she went on vacation on January 13. Yes, we just wanted to think that she went on vacation. This sort of grief is something that I have not experienced before. It’s like a piercing knife every day. Every time I think that I will never get a chance to hug Lola Nena again in the remaining years of my lifetime, it saddens me. Now I know what grief truly means. 

A few hours before she left, I had the chance to talk to her via video call because I was in the U.S. and she was in the Philippines. When I looked back on that day, I asked a lot of what-ifs. What if I told her to just stay home? Would it make any difference? Would she still be alive? My mind is still flooded with questions because I’m still in denial. The sorrow over her passing slowly envelopes our family. So this is how it is—the grief of losing a loved one. I read about the stages of grief, and I still believe we handle grief differently.

Lola Nena was devout and faithful to her beliefs. She was just a wonderful human being. It gave me solace to know that her passing was not full of pain. The thought that she passed it on just like she wanted it comforts me. I will always cherish all the memories I had with her. I continue to pray for her soul, and I know that she’s watching over our family. We sure did lose her but heaven gained another angel. I miss Lola Nena every day, and I know that my grief will not stop. I don’t think it stops. We may move on with our lives, but losing a loved one will always leave a mark in our hearts. 

As I said, now I know. 

One of Lola Nena’s favorite flower. (via Pixabay)